A New Phase 11/29/09

Since I became a mom, one of the most comforting words I have come to know really well is the word, phase. Phase....meaning, this won't last forever; this too will pass; I will in fact live through this!

When Jake was an infant, I remember my mom telling me that she could only give me concrete advice about one thing. And that was, "He will change." Boy was she right! He definitely changed, sometimes from one day to the next. And in some cases, one day was not too soon, like him outgrowing acid reflux. And, of course, there were changes that were not as welcomed like me being able to shop for hours while he slept peacefully in his pumpkin seat attached securely to his stroller. (By the way, did you catch all of the things in that sentence that are totally out the window?! Shop...hours...slept...attached...securely...stroller. Gone! Hasta LaVista! Phase is over!)

And now Jake is in a new phase. The "I don't like" phase. Or, as he would say, "I don't wike" phase. Some of the things he doesn't always "wike" are completely random such as a song, a noise, a movie (what he calls anything on TV or DVD), a toy car, a cup, a shirt, and most recently...a man. Gasp! Oh no he didn't! It was all good until the last one in that list. Until then, I have just somewhat ignored these little outbursts or just played it off like, "Okay. Well, which one do/would you like?" But now suddenly I feel a heart attack coming on as I imagine us being in public and him pointing to someone and saying, "I don't wike that man!" Needless to say, I immediately feel the need to get this under control. I'm not really sure that I can because of his age and ability to understand why he shouldn't always say what he feels. And I also don't think that he always means what he says at this age. By him saying, "I don't wike that man", he may not mean that he truly doesn't like him as a person, but maybe he doesn't like something he's doing or his tone of voice. And with his toys, he may truly like that toy but as an altrenative to something else he wants to play with more, he doesn't "like" that one in the moment.

So my approach after this recent moment of self expression was to talk to him and try to explain why we don't say that we don't like someone (i.e. it could hurt their feelings, God made that person and loves him/her just like he loves us, it's neither nice or kind to say something like that about someone). He seemed to get it at the time, but I'm not so convinced that the next time he doesn't like someone, he won't just come right out and say it.

So for now, I'm looking forward to the winds of change to blow through and practicing therapy on myself and repeating over and over:

This won't last forever...

This too will pass...

I will in fact live through this!