Back to Me


I am sooooo ready to get back to the "me" I knew...oh about two months ago...pre miscarriage days. (Repeat 50 times).

And honestly, it's not as bad as it was. I felt like I had totally lost the "old" me up until about a week ago. My emotions were still running high, and I felt like one raging PMS cycle that would.not.end. But finally now (and if Jim or Jake were typing this, they would probably include things like: Thank God!, We can come out from hiding in our closets now!, Hallelujah!, and Cindi, Mommy, where have you have been? Oh you're home! We thought you'd never come back!), that has subsided, but I in no way, shape, form, or fashion, do I have my body back. I still look like I did when I was twelve weeks pregnant with Jake, and I just don't think my body has really "gotten it" that it doesn't need to keep growing to house another human being for 6 more months. And if I keep going like this, I'll try on another pair of pants this morning when I decide it's time to get ready for work like I did yesterday, and they won't fit either! I'm just not feeling it anymore. I'm over it. (Repeat 50 times).

So today, it's for blood work that I go. I called my doctor's office yesterday, and they've formed a game plan to start there and see where my blood pregnancy levels are just to make sure they dropped to rock bottom or are at least in the process of going down.

In other news, I'm having major camera withdrawals. It's because I've let Jim take every single lens that I own to England with him. He'll be there for two and a half weeks teaching cadets, seeing the countryside every chance he gets, and watching the British Open this Saturday in Scotland. I think this all went down after I got my "feel good" back on last week, and I started comprising and loving my family again. As I type this, I can hear myself saying, Oh no, Sweetie, I won't need them. You take them. After all, you're going to Europe for two weeks. And you really may need my zoom lens while you're watching the Open. You may see Tiger Woods or Phil Mickelson, and you'll want to get as close up as you can. Jim kept asking and asking if I was sure. But I insisted, and now I feel like I've given up caffeine completely.

I mean, just in the last two days, I've missed out on showing you things like the lizard that Jim caught and left in an empty garbage can in our garage for Jake to see when I brought him home from school on Monday - and yesterday, the mountain of stickers he had stuck to his face when I picked him up and made him remove before we went to the mall to shop for birthday gifts for my dad and sister (I figured the spaghetti on his shirt and mysterious brown spots all over the front of it were enough to get the stares from people going, much less a pile of dinosaur stickers stuck to his right cheek).

Thank goodness I didn't bother changing his shirt, though (My fashion sense said Yes! Change his dirty shirt!, but my conscience said, No! Don't do it!) because after the trip through the drive-thru to redeem the "Free Kiddie Cup" coupon at TCBY that he got from his pediatrician's office (Yeah, I think we have two more of those laying around since we've made so many trips here lately.), he managed to add chocolate yogurt to the list of items that are currently under the stain-removing power of Oxy Clean.

Okay, time to go to work...and see if I can find something to wear that fits!

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