Finding Balance


Here lately, so much has been on my mind about my relationship with Jim. I think about how much it has changed and grown over time...since we first met...since we started a family.

I remember when Jake was nine months old. We sat in our living room looking across at one another, and I knew it had all changed. I realized in that moment that we were spending less time talking about us, our hobbies, our dreams, even our plans for the upcoming weekend. It was all about this little person who had come into our lives and turned everything we had known for eight years completely upside down. And I truly felt like I had lost touch with my soul. The beauty of that moment was that we both recognized it. We talked about how to fix it and where to go from there.

And now our family of three has become four. Our schedules, routines, jobs, and roles in parenting have changed. We've become a team. We know what each other's responsibilities are, and we work together like the hands of a clock. And if one of us isn't able to meet our obligations, the other pulls the weight and becomes totally supportive.

But at night when our two sons are in bed, we're tired. Our wheels have turned as long as they can. We even leave glow-in-the-dark, plastic aliens and Army soldiers all over the floor because there's nothing left of either of us, and I find myself falling asleep wondering if he knows how much I appreciate all that he does and if he grasps that I love exactly who he is inside and out.

We make plans to take vacations without the kids "some time next year", and yet, we We're still trying to find a balance.

In the mean time, I want to find new ways to say "I appreciate you". I want to save some energy at the end of the day for the one I've chosen to spend the rest of my life with, and I want him to know he's wanted. I can't imagine my life without him - no matter how imperfect our relationship is or how many times we disagree or become agitated over insignificant things. He is still who I'm thankful for above and beyond anyone or anything else. Because without him, I wouldn't be a wife or a mother...or loved incredibly more than I ever imagined.

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