Rewind...Oh I wish I could.


"Morning.  Tweaked back this morning.  Awesome!!!!!  How'd Jake do with me not there?"  I got this in a text message from Jim on October 20th.  He was out of town that week, so he wasn't there for "Donuts with Dad". The week before Jake had muffins with me, and the following Thursday was his day to have breakfast with Jim in the form of donuts.

We talked about it the Sunday before when Jim left for North Carolina and then again the night before and, of course, on the way there.  We got to school, and I walked him in.  We sat with Matthew and his dad, Tom, and we talked about the chaos of the parking lot, the extreme noise volume of the school lunchroom, and the fact that Jim was traveling.  I asked Tom if he wouldn't mind including Jake in the time he was spending with Matthew once they got into the classroom, and then I talked to Lori (Jake's teacher) to explain to her the where's and why's of Jim absence.

I turned to leave, and I raised my voice to the four year old who was sitting where I left him with one of his very best friends and his dad.  I said, "I love you, Jake!  Have a good day today!", and I waved.  He stopped and looked, and he yelled back, "Wait, Mommy!", and he turned to climb down from his seat.  I just stood there and watched as he ran around his classmates and the table they were sitting at.  And he just kept coming toward me, so I bent down, and I stretched out my arms to scoop him up.  He hit me at full speed, and our arms wrapped around each other, and I lifted him off of the ground.  I stood up, and his feet dangled around my knees.  Then he pushed back and said, "I just wanted to give you a hug!", and then he gave me a kiss.

I felt like I was in a dream, and his school lunchroom became a stage that only he and I were standing on.  And all of the voices and laughter stopped, and I felt like everyone was watching our embrace.  And I almost wish I could have seen it too, but to be a part of the "play"...sooooo much better.

The day he was born I was amazed.  And the time between then and now...just pure awe.  But that morning, I became breathless. 

And my fingers couldn't text what my heart felt, so instead, I called him and told him, "He did awesome!  And he ran...and we hugged...Were we the only two people in the lunchroom?...Because that's how it felt...Yes, he did awesome!"           

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