Just to Get It Off of My Chest 2/10/11

Right at this very moment, I feel completely overwhelmed...like I'm living in complete chaos. I feel like there aren't enough hours in any day of the week. I look at my clock, and it always seems to say 11 am. What happens to the hours between 6 am and 11 am, I have no idea. They literally disappear from my eyes, I could almost swear. By this time, Parker has had his brunch (probably around 9 or 9:30 am - I wouldn't know exactly because once again, I never see my clock before it says 11), and has turned out his lights. I think this may be the part where I try to get some of those things done that I think need to be and definitely the ones that have to be. It's 12:30 by now, and Parker asks to be fed his lunch. I realize I haven't even eaten mine, and I look around and wonder what in tarnation I've done with all of the hours in my morning.

And today this seems to be even more exaggerated than usual. There's snow on the ground outside (which is melting, by the way), so I decided to let Jake stay at home with Parker and I. And I love every second of him being here, but picking up the pieces that belong to his Lightning McQueen puzzle, his hat, gloves, and shoes from going out into the snow twice this morning, and telling him, "No, let's put that away because that's not a toy, and, "Let's not blow bubbles in Parker's face, Sweetie.", have made me feel even more like this day has blown completely by me.

Our bed is unmade and somewhere hidden underneath the covers lies six Scooby-Doo Silly Bands, Spaghetti-O's are still on the table from lunch and are probably nearly dried on forever by now, a blob of cornstarch powder is laying in Parker's pack-n-play (it fell over during his last diaper change...oh, and that's what I'm supposed to be using to clear up the rash on his tushy per Dr. B. by the way), the dishwasher has a sign on it visible only to me that says "Unload Me", our fish gave me the stare down when I passed by his bowl a short while ago, and Jake just informed me that he drank some of the bubbles he was blowing in Parker's face earlier this morning. I could also keep going and tell you taking a bath in my own tub would do me no good because it's still full of hair that's now stuck to the sides from me shaving my legs several nights ago, and at one point this afternoon, Jake was warming his toilet seat and taking care of his business while Parker was doing his as I held him in my arms. Projects keep piling up, yet go undone, and I won't allow myself make a "To Do" list because I'm just down right afraid of what it will actually look like.  (Taking deep breaths, counting 1, 2, 3, taking deep breaths, counting 1, 2 3...).

Whew!  I'm glad I just got that off of my chest.

And now I feel ten times better, so I'm off to see if I can clean that hair I mentioned out of my tub and take the bath I haven't had since yesterday at lunch time.

And then maybe I'll come up with that "To Do" list I've been so afraid of making.

Maybe.