And if you could see the stacks of uniforms on our bedroom floor, you would understand why.
I haven't mentioned it much (if at all)...the fact that Jim is just a little over a month and half away from his retirement from the Air Force. Of course, if you asked him right now, I know he could give you the exact number of days he has left of his twenty-something year career...probably even the number of hours. I usually just stick my fingers in my ears and start babbling "lah-lah-lah-lah-lah" with my eyes closed so I can't see his lips moving until his little countdown is over because it also conincidentally begins right around the same time I go back to work full time (Sniffle...Snort...Sniffle...Dry Heave).
It's something we've been preparing for as a family for a little over three years now. But then again, who is ever really prepared for this much change. You know...kind of like you're never really "prepared" for what it's like to become a parent no matter how many books you read or how much stuff you buy...because really whether or not your babe will feel most comforted when held sideways or bounced like a bowling ball or whether or not they'll drink from the same brand of bottle an older sibling did or a friend's babe does or the chances he or she will actually sit in a swing for more than two seconds is a trial-and-error, figure-it-out-as-you-go kind of deal.
I guess for me, I see it as Jim just going from one job to another. But really it's a whole more than that. It's whether or not we'll leave the home we've lived in for over five years or Parker will be cared for by Major Dad or University Church of Christ preschool staff. It's whether or not we'll live in another city or state and whether or not our families will live minutes or hours away. There are so many unknowns, and honestly it's just downright overwhelming...for Jim especially. He's male and our family's leader, so it's sort of a given that he's got more on this mind that I do. I would almost swear that he worries enough for both of us, especially in situations like this.
We've talked about it so much, and prayed about it so much. We don't know what's next, and we're in a place where we have to be okay with that - a place where we must wait...and trust. We wait to hear from jobs applied for and doors to be opened...prayers to be answered. And at the same time we trust in the One whose expectation ours comes from - the One who has all the answers to our unknowns.
Because after all, they aren't really unknown...to Him.
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